"It's Just a Part!"

These days, IFS (or “Parts Work”) has become an integral component of my personal growth journey. When I get triggered, I try to remind myself, “It’s just a part!” (not all of who I am). I then make a sincere effort to connect with that part, listen to its story, validate its experience, and see how I can best support it in becoming less extreme. 

The main reason I am able to do all of this with increasingly greater ease is that IFS has also taught me how to concurrently work on developing my sense of Self (or “Self Energy”). Whether we call it our “Core Self”, “Higher Self”, or just “Self”, this is the wise, compassionate aspect of our being that is always present, but sometimes gets clouded over by the intensity of extreme parts. I like to think of the Self as being like the sun--it never really goes away, but sometimes we can’t see it and it seems like it’s gone when the clouds (or “Parts”) roll in. 

So how do we build Self Energy within our inner system? For me, things like mindfulness, connecting with animals, spending time in nature, and engaging in creative endeavors are reliable “portals to Self.” However, this is a very individual thing, so I encourage you to explore, experiment, and get curious about what brings you into Self Energy. 

The state of being Self-led is characterized by what Dr. Richard Schwartz calls “The 8 C’s”:

~compassion ~clarity ~curiosity ~creativity

~confidence ~courage ~calm ~connected

So you might ask yourself, “What are the places, activities, people, and things that help me feel this way?” To increase your access to Self-Energy, simply, “do more of that!”

The beauty of IFS is that once we can learn to see the good intentions of our own activated parts (and to approach them with the calm, compassionate curiosity of Self), we begin to be able to do so with others as well. (The old adage, “As within, so without” fits well here).

When someone is acting in a way that doesn’t seem helpful, is extreme, or doesn't make sense, we can remind ourselves, “It’s just a part!” (not all of who they are). We can take a moment to first tend to any of our own activated parts, so that we are in a calm state of Self. Then we can offer the same calm, curious, compassionate stance toward their extreme parts--remembering that at their core, all parts just want to be heard, seen, and validated. 

It is my hope that all humans might learn to apply this non-pathologizing and compassionate lens of IFS to their experiences--both within and without. Because as Dr. Schwartz reminds us: 

“We all have parts,”

 and

“There really are no bad parts!”

~Namaste, 

Dr. Abby Ampuja