Equanimity: The Art of Being with What Is

As many of you know, I love weaving big ideas into simple stories—especially those that help children (and adults!) navigate their inner world with more self-compassion, courage, and curiosity. Over the years, I’ve written children’s books about topics like resilience, mindfulness, and IFS (Internal Family Systems). Usually, by the time a theme becomes a story, I’ve already lived it, explored it with clients, and written about it here.

But recently, I realized there’s one powerful concept that somehow skipped the “blog phase” altogether—despite shaping so much of my personal and professional journey. That concept is equanimity.

I wanted to give this topic the attention it truly deserves, because equanimity has become, for me, a kind of quiet superpower—a healing antidote for the many things that “ail us.”

So, what exactly is equanimity?

Equanimity is often defined as “mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in challenging situations.” It’s that inner steadiness that allows us to stay open and balanced, even when life feels turbulent. In today’s overstimulated, stress-filled world, this quality can feel rare—or even impossible—but I’ve learned that it can be cultivated.

One of the most powerful doorways into equanimity is what I call the stance of the Curious Observer—a perspective of gentle, nonjudgmental awareness toward our inner experience.

My own path to discovering this wasn’t paved with ease or inspiration—it emerged through chronic pain and deep grief. My first instinct, like most people’s, was resistance: to recoil, tighten, and try to fix what hurt. But over time, through a modality called Pain Reprocessing Therapy (PRT), I learned another way.

In PRT sessions, my therapist would guide me into grounding, then gently invite me to notice what part of my body was calling for attention. Instead of diving into the story behind the sensation—why it was there, what it meant, how to make it stop—I was asked to simply observe and describe what I noticed.

One metaphor that helped me deeply was this:

Imagine your sensations as fish in an aquarium. You are not the water or the fish—you are simply the one watching.

Just as you might curiously observe a school of colorful fish—watching them move, shift, and rest—you can observe your inner sensations in the same way. Over time, I found that this stance of observation—noticing without needing to change—allowed the sensations to soften on their own. Energy that had been locked in resistance began to flow again.

This experience made me wonder:What if we could approach all our inner experiences this way—our thoughts, our emotions, even our grief? What if, instead of recoiling or trying to control, we could simply stay present and curious?

In IFS language, this is the essence of Self—the calm, compassionate awareness that witnesses our parts without judgment or urgency. When we meet our inner world from this space, we stop fighting reality and start relating to it with openness.

For me, shifting from reactivity and resistance to curious observation has been truly life-changing. Equanimity doesn’t mean we stop feeling—it means we allow what’s here, knowing that we can hold it with care.

Something to think about…

Wishing you peace and steadiness,

Namaste,

~Dr. Abby Ampuja